How to Support a Survivor

You might be a friend, parent or maybe partner of a survivor of sexual violence and feel unsure how you can help. Below is further information on the things you can do. Somethings that everyone can do, regardless of the relationship between you and the survivor are:

Believe them. Even if what the survivor tells you may be hard to hear, believe what they tell you. Survivors of sexual violence and abuse very rarely lie about what has happened to them.

Listen. It is hard for survivors to talk about what they have experienced, so just listen. Let them talk when they are ready and at their own pace and try not to make any assumptions or ask about any details.

Manage your emotions/response. If the survivor feels able to talk to you, it can help if you manage how you respond to what they are saying effectively. It may be very upsetting, distressing and shocking listening to, but try to be conscious of the emotions you are showing as the survivor may think that you feel this way towards them e.g. angry. Instead, remain calm and listen.

Ask what they need. Talk to the survivor, ask them what they need or want from you to help them. They may not know right away, that’s okay, be patient with them. It is essential that you enable the person to be in control of the way they cope and the support that they receive.

Explore their options. It is also very important that the survivor feels in control of what happens next. Discuss their options with them, but allow them to make their own choices.

Be informed. Research trauma responses, coping strategies and how to empower survivors of sexual violence and abuse.

Below are some tips tailored to different types of relationships to help you provide compassionate, meaningful support.

Supporting a Friend – Supporting a friend who has experienced sexual violence can be challenging, especially if mutual friends or social circles are involved. It’s important to listen to their needs, allowing them to guide conversations without offering unwanted advice. Be patient, as they may need time and space to navigate their healing process. Offering reassurance by expressing belief, respect, and support can provide comfort and a sense of safety for survivors. Above all, protect their privacy by keeping their experience confidential unless they give explicit permission to share. Your support can make a meaningful difference in their recovery journey.

Supporting Your Child – Children and teenagers who experience sexual violence may show changes in behaviour that vary by age and development, with some signs appearing immediately and others over time. Open communication is key, let them know you’re there without pressuring them to talk. Respect their preferences if they choose to speak with someone else and support that decision. Provide information about support options, such as counselling or helplines, allowing them to decide what feels right. Most importantly, create a safe, loving environment at home where they feel supported. Consistency and routine can help restore a sense of security and stability.

Supporting Your Partner – If your partner has experienced sexual violence, it may affect your relationship in ways such as challenges with physical intimacy, mood changes, or unexpected triggers. Navigating this requires patience and understanding. Be emotionally present, letting your partner know you’re there when they’re ready to talk. Respect their boundaries and allow them to set the pace for physical intimacy, reassuring them that it’s okay to take things slowly. Managing your own expectations is essential, as healing takes time, and your relationship may shift temporarily. Educating yourself about trauma can also help you better understand and support your partner through their journey.