How parents and guardians can feel

Shock or Numbness: You might feel frozen or disconnected, as if what you’re hearing isn’t real. This is a natural response when processing difficult information.

Disbelief or Denial: It can be hard to accept that something so painful has happened to your child. You might find yourself questioning whether it really happened or looking for ways to rationalise the situation.

Anger: Many parents feel intense anger, toward the person responsible, the situation, or even themselves. It’s normal to feel rage when someone has harmed your child.

Guilt and Self-Blame: You might wonder if you could have done something differently to prevent it. Feelings of guilt or failure as a parent are common, but it’s important to remember that the responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator.

Fear and Anxiety: Worrying about your child’s future, how they will cope, and what steps to take next can feel overwhelming. Anxiety about legal processes or how others may respond is also normal.

Grief and Loss: You may feel a sense of loss, grieving the life you imagined for your child or the sense of safety you once felt.

Helplessness and Overwhelm: Not knowing what to do or how to help can leave you feeling powerless. This is a common reaction, especially when faced with something outside your control.

Sadness and Heartache: Watching your child go through pain can feel heartbreaking. You may feel deep sadness not only for what happened but also for the impact it’s having on your family.

Protectiveness:  A strong instinct to protect your child may surface. You might feel a surge of determination to do whatever it takes to keep them safe and support their recovery.

Emotional responses can also affect your body and behaviour:

Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling or staying asleep is common, as your mind may be racing.

Changes in appetite: You may notice a loss of appetite or, conversely, turn to food for comfort.

Fatigue: Emotional stress can lead to exhaustion, even if you’ve had enough rest.

Difficulty concentrating: It may be hard to focus on daily tasks or make decisions.

Irritability or mood swings: You might find yourself more easily frustrated or emotionally sensitive.

All of these responses are a natural part of processing trauma, even if the trauma happened to someone else. You are reacting out of love and concern for your child, and it’s okay to feel what you feel. Recognising and naming your emotions can be the first step toward managing them. Other things you can do to cope:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to feel without judgement. You’re human, and it’s okay to struggle.

Talk About It: Share your feelings with someone you trust or seek support from a professional. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Take One Step at a Time: It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the future but focusing on one thing at a time can help.

Educate yourself: Learning about trauma and its effects can help you better understand your child’s needs and your own.

Be Kind to Yourself: Self-compassion is key. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.

Practice self-care: Make time for activities that help you relax and recharge, even if it’s just a few moments each day.

It can be really difficult to process these feelings and you might want to access further support. If you would like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, you can call our helpline on 0300 303 4787.